Devine Colour Red

– ‘Pack your overnight bag as quickly as you can! I will be waiting for you in the car!’ – I was told as I entered the house leaving my office bag in the hall.

– ‘Fine, I won’t be long’ – I’ve wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a kiss. Then smiling I run up the stairs to get ready. I used to be very stressed and agitated when on Fridays I will be thrown an order to get ready quickly! Then we would spent hours arguing and hardly ever enjoyed a weekend together. Something needed to change. It was down to our agreement to be more organised, and that’s when the unexpected short notices turn out to be a day in advance notices. We were both happy with this arrangement. But all of a sudden today, it came in a matter of minutes. Surprisingly, I did not react to it at all, as I felt tired and last thing on my mind was to argue!

The car was driving up and down the countryside, as we were watching the glorious colours of pre-sunset being vividly painted all over the sky in front of our own very eyes.

– It is so beautiful! – He said and kept his eyes fixed on the road ahead, while he tried not to be distracted by the pastel painting. I could not have agreed more to his comment, however as everything looked unfamiliar, and the landscape around looked nothing like I have ever seen before, I couldn’t but ask:

– ‘Where are we going by the way?’- as much as I needed an answer, any answer, he stayed silent!

The radio was playing ‘All my love’, surrounding us with gentle ever so soft instrumental notes. It downed on me that is Valentine’s day today! I looked across suspiciously and hoped that we are not one of those couples that celebrate this occasion while locked up in a hotel room admiring how efficient their waiting staff are! We have been together long enough for him to identify that I never liked to be part of the advertising extravaganza! He is well aware that I very much like seeing a sea of red colour in every shop window on the high street on the runner up to Valentine’s day! Maybe because it is all eye catchy and beautiful, but I don’t see the point of celebrating something so trivial as the ‘V’ day.

As we were driving up the hill I was thinking about the significance of this event! In my defence, every couple will have a different explanation on why they like celebrating it. I know that there are many different legends surrounding St Valentine’s, but by far more I like the legend that says that Saint Valentine or Saint Trifun, as he is known on the Balkans, was one of the saints of spring, the saint of good health and the patron of beekeepers and pilgrims. The legend says that plants and flowers start to grow on this day. It has been celebrated as the day when the first work in the vineyards and in the fields commences. Therefore, you must agree with me that raising a glass of vine juice will be more appropriate then spending a little fortune on a gift that in time will loose its value!

Buried deep in my thoughts haven’t realised when the car had stopped and my door got opened! Only when I stepped out of the car, I noticed that we have come to see his uncle who owns a vineyard out in the countryside, where vines are spreading across the rolling hills of silence! I have forgotten how much I liked spending time here in the middle of nowhere! Here, is where birds share happy twits, where sun selflessly is feeding each and every single grape with nectar, and where the cellar holds a delicately tasteful vintage vines with priceless tag indicating its year of harvest. This place is holding a secret to a century old recipe of making the drink of all gods and goddesses.

– ‘I know how great respect you have for St Trifun, so I could not but bring you at the right place in the right time to celebrate the work commencing in the vineyards. My uncle has prepared an overalls for us to wear, with wellies and secateurs and he can’t wait to be given hand with the work on the vines. If we are done by 8pm, we will have a warm and hearty dinner cooked over open fire to celebrate yet another year of successful yield to come! And as he promised, if we can drink as much as wine as we possibly can, then we can spend the whole weekend doing nothing but recovering and relaxing on the sunny veranda overlooking the hills in the distance.’

I could not hide my surprise! I was truly overwhelmed with what I’ve just heard! I wondered why nobody else had thought about this before! If only, everyone is like us, we could all have had a great reason to abandon Valentine’s celebrations and join St Trifun’s army of vine helpers. My face lit up. My body got warmer instantly and with a smile on my face I leaned closer to plant a kiss on his cheek. He smiled and kissed me back softly almost silently, as if favoured to preserve my thoughts forever. He then turned around, leaned slightly forward and allowed me to jump onto his back to be carried up to the chateau to greet the Man himself!…M

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Blueprint of Love

I looked around and you were not there! My heart sunk! I suddenly thought of you while waiting for the lift in the lobby. When the lift arrived and the doors slid open, to my surprise we bumped into each other. I was going out and you were just coming in. You smiled at me. It looked like you were able to read my thoughts! I got so embarrassed and looked down. I must have blushed and you had seen me blushing! In that instant, I got pushed inside by people from behind me. I was so relieved when the lift doors closed behind me. I did not say anything, but neither did you. However, later that day, light-heartedly you asked me out! Scared, I declined your offer!

I sat in the dark and reflected upon our little random rendezvous that I never gave much meaning to in the past. Our little chats here and there that were always amusing, comical and sometimes I can’t deny they were pretty hilarious. I now remember how much fun we had dancing until the morning light, laughing and observing drunk people around! I have learned so much about the city and yourself due to your cycling expeditions and that evening when we discussed families! I felt so comfortable in your presence, maybe even too protected! I won’t forget the story about your break up and how you felt about it. Remember? I wholeheartedly gave you some tips on how to stay strong! Admittedly, I could not have waited for our next random get-together.

However, after the lift incident, everything got slightly too emotional! Shortly after, you invited me out again! Frightened, I declined it again! You tried calling. Suspiciously, I never picked up. You tried getting in touch, I never became available! As a matter of fact, I moved out and never saw you again!

Although I feel terrible leaving without a good bye, I still think of you. In reality, I think of you and your smile ever so often. As time goes by, have realised how much I miss you and our discussions on anything and everything! I miss that feeling of contentment, comfort and tenderness radiating from you. I never meant to go! However, the truth is I had, leaving behind an undiscovered possibility of happiness and much sought friendship. To this date, I have sent millions of silent prayers to you asking for forgiveness. And as part of the Devine gift of gratitude I have made a fond memorial, whenever accessed, my heart fills up with love and kindness…M

Subtle Energy

Today, I went hiking up the mountain. All alone…In fact i was not alone. I had lots of thoughts drowning my consciousness. In practice somehow I always start hiking heavy, carrying lots and lots on my mind but by the end, I become much lighter with a strong sense of clarity, purity and positivity. It always seams easier to reenergise when being surrounded by nature, mountains, trees, snow and ice.

For a moment, I thought of you and instead of looking up into infinity, I looked down. Surprisingly, in-between patches of ice and frozen leaves I saw this beautiful white quartz crystal. Its qualities reminded me of you. It was whiter then the whitest snow, and shinier then the brightest star. I knew I am honoured by your presence. I picked it up. Holding the crystal in my hand I continued climbing up.

Although the weather was crispy cold and the hiking path up the mountain was icy and full of snow, the crystal kept me warm and safe on the journey…M

New Beginning

He used to sit across the street, right across one bent and out of shape wooden door. He constantly kept staring at it. He looked like completely hypnotised person, as he kept staring at the door day and night. He gave an impression that was expecting someone to make an entry. At any time, someone to come out from his past and share his present, someone to dilute his sadness and loneliness.

On the outside though, there was a constant flow of people passing by, some were even stepping on or over his torn robes and yet nobody apologised or made contact with him. He stayed absolutely ignored.

I was intrigued to stand behind him just to see if at all he will move or even walk away. I desperately tried to understand why he sits here, motionless and breathless. I also wanted to know the connection between him and these doors, which once were straight, and beautiful. I wish i was able to understand what was so mystical about this place.

One morning, I gathered my courage and tapped on his shoulder. He did not seem to be disturbed, neither distructed by my voice. My curiosity was stronger then my pride. Without any reservation, I asked:

– What is it so special about these doors that make you spend your days staring at them?

Surprisingly, he did not move, neither he showed any interest to look into my eyes. He kept staring in front.

Eventually, as I was leaving, I heard him saying:

…A warped door. Some exits have no knob on the other side: move on and don’t go back: it’s futile: all you will find there is splinters…

In time, we all learn that life is complex network of paths, which in no doubt can be challenging, especially at a time when we are most sure of ourselves. Even as if we concously try to avoid, we become trapped in our awkward old ways of thinking. Slowly, we become weaker and on the verge of giving up, forgiving…then something comes our way…like a thunder lightning that strikes without mercy:

…”A warped door. Some exits have no knob on the other side: move on and don’t go back: it’s futile: all you will find there is splinters”…

Credits to Kirby. It came when most needed…M

Broken Pieces

When I was a little girl, every last month of the year, I was thought to sit quietly in my room and write a list of what I like to be given as a gift, that will make me a better person in the year ahead. It could have taken me days to do my list, as everything written was supposed to justify my parents spenditure. If I haven’t have made a good case for some gifts, they would have fallen off the list immediately.

For most of the gifts I needed to fight my case in order to get them. Although, some gifts I have received on an emotional basis, I have been given some simply because they were practical. However, the fact of the matter is that I was getting away with most of my wishes; winter holidays, youth camps, swimming lessons, driving lessons, cookery, pottery and massage courses, toys and later on, electronic gadgets and computers.

So, after leaving my parents home, things have changed. Rather then thinking and buying gifts that will improve my skills and talents, it was the case of buying gifts that will impress others, will surprise them and make others happy. So, what happened to the little girl inside me? Did she forget who she really is? Doesn’t she have any more wishes just for her? Has she lost the will to achieve, to progress and develop further?

Another end of the year is approaching. I am sitting quietly in my house, listening to the silence around me. Although holding a pen my thoughts are dwelling in the past, listing through the catalogue of disastrous events that have happened this year. And what should I say? Shall I be glad that this year is tailing off, leaving behind broken pieces that can never be reconstructed or should I say I am glad that the new year is approaching?

What was so mystical about 2011 that every event turned out wrongly? And all the events around me were worst then ever before. What sort of energy field we were living in?

Let’s just tap inside and try to awaken the little girl inside me. She was much more fun to be with, free spirit and maker of her own destiny. Let me see if she likes to come out and face the reality as it is, at this stage in my life. Let me see what she will say how I have progressed and where I have ended up. Will she be proud, will she be crying and be sad, or will she be happy to take charge all over again? Who knows…

Future is not ours to see, que sera, sera….M