Toot-Toot! – II

I’ve stayed up all night, baking and decorating one extraordinary birthday cake! In all honesty, I thoroughly loved it and enjoyed every minute of it. With each part coming nicely together I was able to see his manifestation around! He is fond of trains, fascinated by stars and now that he has started learning the alphabet, letters were part of my design too. Colourful icing got cut into shapes of train with carriages, letters and stars, so that the final design was magnificent!

When the morning arrived, I got my biggest reward ever! Once he saw the cake, his little toddler’s face lit up and a giant smile revealed his excitement! With confidence he raised his hand up and said – ‘Toot-Toot!’ I might have not slept the whole night but his approval gave me tons of energy for the day ahead.

We got dressed in no time and we took the cake to his nursery, so that everyone can be part of our celebration! After joined singing of ‘Happy Birthday’, followed by blowing out birthday candles, we got surrounded by toddlers waiting to taste the toot-toot birthday cake. Eager to share it, I grabbed the first knife available and started cutting up the cake. At that very moment I was told that no children will try the cake at present, as slices will be given to their parents to decide if they want to give cake to their children to eat. I beg your pardon? Did I just heard this correctly? So, you are telling me after such a devotion and making sure that there are no nuts in this chocolate heaven, children are not allowed to taste it before the approval of their parents? Oh noooo! Truly unfair! Such a disaster!

I must have been so shocked that I could not remember when I had continued cutting the cake in the smallest slices possible. I heard a voice coming from behind me: – ‘That plastic knife is quite blunt! Use this one’. I looked over my shoulder and saw a gigantic, butcher’s knife next to my forearm. I do not know what made me more nervous: seeing my reflection on it or the size of the knife! Whichever way, it did not look right to me. Instantly, I decided to hand the cake over to the cook who brought the knife to me.
– ‘I don’t think I am doing a great job in cutting it anyhow. Please slice the cake and kindly share it with everyone around’.

I remember saying ‘Thank you’, followed by ‘Good Bye’ and clutching a ‘toot-toot’ slice in my hand, we left the nursery with joyful hearts. Pushing the ‘puky’ trike up the hill and smiling out loud whenever we raised our hands to say Toot-Toot! was a memorable moment to treasure forever!…M

Hoping Against Hope

My days are nights and my nights are days… And everyone that I know says it can only get better…Yay…I am holding on to this statement by a strong rope made of hope, expecting that better might happen any moment. But with each event unfolding, my rope is getting thinner and thinner. What’s left is the hope dangling it’s weight above my life.

I am standing at the bus stop waiting for a bus. It is absolutely pouring. My thoughts are traveling back in time…

One rainy day, many years back, when I was just a young student in this city, I shared a shelter with elderly gentleman. We both waited for a bus, to take us to a different episodes in our lives. While sharing that moment in time together, he shared a wise thought with me.

– Good deeds are coming to those who are prepared to wait patiently. And in this rajasic city, one has to be grateful of any achievement accomplished. – said the old man and got ready for boarding.

The bus he intended to board arrived, and I saw his contented round face in the window waiving his umbrella back at me as the bus pulled off. His eyes were full of hope and his smile full of joy.

I stood there, where he left me, waiting and waiting. The old man made me think about some of us humans. How some are never grateful about who they are, where they are, and what they have achieved so far. And yet, are so scared of starting something different, learning something new, creating something beautiful. They hold a belief that change might require long time to be accomplished, or it might be too expensive to afford it and give up, never making that first so important step. Shortly after, they loose focus, concentration and scatter their thoughts all over. They become unhappy, lost, scared and eventually become so hopeless that they end up being useless. At the beginning, this is their intimate affair only, but later on, it is spreading onto their family, partners and friends, who once have nurtured their belief. Eventually they’ve lost all that trust that connects people together.

A bus pulled in and opened its doors. Only then I realised I was the only one waiting. The driver must had seen me and stopped for me to get on. Despite being the bus I intended to board, did not get on. I was not ready to face some of us humans. I was not ready to go, not this time, not yet…M

236g of Happiness

If you are making a carrot cake, you might need 236g of grated carrots. If you are making a sand castle, you might need 236g of sand. If you are painting, you might need 236g of paint. To bake a spelt bread, you might need 236g of spelt flour. To make a smoothy, you might require 236g of accai berries. If you decide to make a parfume, you might require 236g of essential oils. So, as you might have noticed, the 236g ought to be a desired quantity of an ingredient to create something beautiful. And yes, beautiful can be anything from grain of sand to droplet of milk, depending on how you see it.

In my own world, 236g is the weight of one dirty nappy. Yesterday, there was a surprise in my little family, as we broke our record. The haviest and most soaked up of all so far. It is kind of scary to believe that these 236g has contributed to my happiness. Earlier, I would have never thought that I would be recording all the dirty nappies in 24 hours, not elsewhere, but on the chalk board in the kitchen, believe it or not! To add to this, never would have believed to use my kitchen weighing scale to weigh dirty nappies either.

And not to mention that I eagerly check the content of each and every nappy, and openly talk about it, even write about it. I never thought I will spend minutes analasing closely what colour and what consistency it might be. Is it yellow or mustardy yellow? Is it green or pale green? Is it runny, or quite soft and creamy? I am sorry this might sound like a poo connoisseur, but checking that the much awaited content is producing sweet honey like smell is equally important, then just judging by it’s colour.

As you might have gathered, my world has truly changed and what was once easy and pretty much straight forward lifestyle, it has become complex and most definitely weird. Truthfully, I can not wait to see how many more crazy and bizzare things will lighten up my days to come…M

Planet M

Thinking whether to tell you the truth or something beautiful, I decided to stick to the truth all the way. I hope that it will make you proud and honoured and fill you with joy and smiles…

My recent life changing event, left me with two hearts, one small and blissfully unaware of the reality and other one confused and shocked. As time goes by it was inevitable to learn that everything happens for a reason and this is the reason that makes me stronger, makes me a better person in some way or another. Little time was required to recover, away from any obstacles, negativities and ugly forces. Little time was required to rewrite my goals, my objectives and my dreams. Although, my words are my reality, my dreams are keeping me alive!

And as it is in life, at time least expected, we come accross people who bring a smile on our face. People who do inspire and keep us moving. People who can enter our dreams and generously share their aspirations, love and kindness. Many of these people we meet will become friends for life, and will form part of our character. And yes you are right, I don’t even know you, I haven’t even met you, neither seen you, and yet I’ve felt tremendous kindness and positivity radiating from your end.

So, by coincidence or simple synchronicity (who knows), I named my baby boy Marko. My little warrior was very eager to arrive earlier, to meet me, to show me his gratitude and true value in life. He came out very quickly, causing as little pain as possible, and as little damage as possible…

And trully, he gets all my affection, he is my little precious soul, my dragon, my little tigarce and my creator. I wish I could share my joy and be part of a family but my reality is very much a lonely journey, designed for endless strive to achieve and be entirely responsible for another being.

Truthfully, don’t even know if I ever be able to meet you, neither that these words will be read by you and yet I felt obliged to write them down.

Anyhow, maybe nothing is clear for the future, but the fact that I’ve equipped myself for the worst that life can throw at me, gives me great strength and confidence to walk forward. And as promised…There is no option of giving up at any point in my life.

With great hope for love and light on this journey,


Live boldly, follow your dreams, take risks, look after your friends and smile when the mountain is steepest…Bear Grylls