Devine Colour Red

– ‘Pack your overnight bag as quickly as you can! I will be waiting for you in the car!’ – I was told as I entered the house leaving my office bag in the hall.

– ‘Fine, I won’t be long’ – I’ve wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a kiss. Then smiling I run up the stairs to get ready. I used to be very stressed and agitated when on Fridays I will be thrown an order to get ready quickly! Then we would spent hours arguing and hardly ever enjoyed a weekend together. Something needed to change. It was down to our agreement to be more organised, and that’s when the unexpected short notices turn out to be a day in advance notices. We were both happy with this arrangement. But all of a sudden today, it came in a matter of minutes. Surprisingly, I did not react to it at all, as I felt tired and last thing on my mind was to argue!

The car was driving up and down the countryside, as we were watching the glorious colours of pre-sunset being vividly painted all over the sky in front of our own very eyes.

– It is so beautiful! – He said and kept his eyes fixed on the road ahead, while he tried not to be distracted by the pastel painting. I could not have agreed more to his comment, however as everything looked unfamiliar, and the landscape around looked nothing like I have ever seen before, I couldn’t but ask:

– ‘Where are we going by the way?’- as much as I needed an answer, any answer, he stayed silent!

The radio was playing ‘All my love’, surrounding us with gentle ever so soft instrumental notes. It downed on me that is Valentine’s day today! I looked across suspiciously and hoped that we are not one of those couples that celebrate this occasion while locked up in a hotel room admiring how efficient their waiting staff are! We have been together long enough for him to identify that I never liked to be part of the advertising extravaganza! He is well aware that I very much like seeing a sea of red colour in every shop window on the high street on the runner up to Valentine’s day! Maybe because it is all eye catchy and beautiful, but I don’t see the point of celebrating something so trivial as the ‘V’ day.

As we were driving up the hill I was thinking about the significance of this event! In my defence, every couple will have a different explanation on why they like celebrating it. I know that there are many different legends surrounding St Valentine’s, but by far more I like the legend that says that Saint Valentine or Saint Trifun, as he is known on the Balkans, was one of the saints of spring, the saint of good health and the patron of beekeepers and pilgrims. The legend says that plants and flowers start to grow on this day. It has been celebrated as the day when the first work in the vineyards and in the fields commences. Therefore, you must agree with me that raising a glass of vine juice will be more appropriate then spending a little fortune on a gift that in time will loose its value!

Buried deep in my thoughts haven’t realised when the car had stopped and my door got opened! Only when I stepped out of the car, I noticed that we have come to see his uncle who owns a vineyard out in the countryside, where vines are spreading across the rolling hills of silence! I have forgotten how much I liked spending time here in the middle of nowhere! Here, is where birds share happy twits, where sun selflessly is feeding each and every single grape with nectar, and where the cellar holds a delicately tasteful vintage vines with priceless tag indicating its year of harvest. This place is holding a secret to a century old recipe of making the drink of all gods and goddesses.

– ‘I know how great respect you have for St Trifun, so I could not but bring you at the right place in the right time to celebrate the work commencing in the vineyards. My uncle has prepared an overalls for us to wear, with wellies and secateurs and he can’t wait to be given hand with the work on the vines. If we are done by 8pm, we will have a warm and hearty dinner cooked over open fire to celebrate yet another year of successful yield to come! And as he promised, if we can drink as much as wine as we possibly can, then we can spend the whole weekend doing nothing but recovering and relaxing on the sunny veranda overlooking the hills in the distance.’

I could not hide my surprise! I was truly overwhelmed with what I’ve just heard! I wondered why nobody else had thought about this before! If only, everyone is like us, we could all have had a great reason to abandon Valentine’s celebrations and join St Trifun’s army of vine helpers. My face lit up. My body got warmer instantly and with a smile on my face I leaned closer to plant a kiss on his cheek. He smiled and kissed me back softly almost silently, as if favoured to preserve my thoughts forever. He then turned around, leaned slightly forward and allowed me to jump onto his back to be carried up to the chateau to greet the Man himself!…M

Blueprint of Love

I looked around and you were not there! My heart sunk! I suddenly thought of you while waiting for the lift in the lobby. When the lift arrived and the doors slid open, to my surprise we bumped into each other. I was going out and you were just coming in. You smiled at me. It looked like you were able to read my thoughts! I got so embarrassed and looked down. I must have blushed and you had seen me blushing! In that instant, I got pushed inside by people from behind me. I was so relieved when the lift doors closed behind me. I did not say anything, but neither did you. However, later that day, light-heartedly you asked me out! Scared, I declined your offer!

I sat in the dark and reflected upon our little random rendezvous that I never gave much meaning to in the past. Our little chats here and there that were always amusing, comical and sometimes I can’t deny they were pretty hilarious. I now remember how much fun we had dancing until the morning light, laughing and observing drunk people around! I have learned so much about the city and yourself due to your cycling expeditions and that evening when we discussed families! I felt so comfortable in your presence, maybe even too protected! I won’t forget the story about your break up and how you felt about it. Remember? I wholeheartedly gave you some tips on how to stay strong! Admittedly, I could not have waited for our next random get-together.

However, after the lift incident, everything got slightly too emotional! Shortly after, you invited me out again! Frightened, I declined it again! You tried calling. Suspiciously, I never picked up. You tried getting in touch, I never became available! As a matter of fact, I moved out and never saw you again!

Although I feel terrible leaving without a good bye, I still think of you. In reality, I think of you and your smile ever so often. As time goes by, have realised how much I miss you and our discussions on anything and everything! I miss that feeling of contentment, comfort and tenderness radiating from you. I never meant to go! However, the truth is I had, leaving behind an undiscovered possibility of happiness and much sought friendship. To this date, I have sent millions of silent prayers to you asking for forgiveness. And as part of the Devine gift of gratitude I have made a fond memorial, whenever accessed, my heart fills up with love and kindness…M

Timeless Treasure

It is nothing special…so they say…As it never really was.

Just an infusion of pure water and some delicate dried herbs. Nothing else. But in fact it makes up for something lots more then that. Like with any given set to experiment with; Everything is nothing. Which means nothing is everything right?

I love being part of this nothing. At all times it brings lightness and joy. It enhances the meaning of the past and brings clarity for the future. It grounds, fulfils, comforts and paints colours into my life. With every sip taken I grow older, wiser, richer, more prepared to live then ever before. And I allow myself to drink endless sips into infinity. Within time it clears my identity. I slowly become everything, without boundaries, without preconceptions, without differences, free from artificial perceptions, pure in the most purest forms of all.

Following one simple rule will help when down, broken or just bored: When the cup is empty, make sure it is clean before filling it up with everything you like and start testing the new beginnings. We all have choices in life and sometimes too many to choose from. It is given upon us to choose what we love doing, sharing and experiencing. Sometimes it can be overwhelming incident and what will help us to decide is letting go off everything, becoming nothing, then slowly evolving into the purest form of ourselves. Only then we are able to see the real self and the world around…M

Picture of Hope

Few months ago I wrote about my adopted stripy stunner. Few days ago I wrote about hope. And this photo taken by WWF sums it all up…M


Flying a Kite

Since the death of her husband, she has lived on her own in the house on the hill. For years now, living with no one by her side, she got used to the silence. The silence which she shared with the sun lurking through the windows, casting its shadows over her living space. She also got used to the wind blowing stubbornly on a calm autumn evening, bringing freshness and positivity.

Each and every morning she waited anxiously for the black bird with yellow peak to tap on her kitchen window in anticipation to get fed. She felt obliged to share a stale piece of bread with this visitor, crumbling it into numerous small fragments, and leaving them on the window sill, as a gesture of goodwill. However, in return, while having her afternoon snack, she was performed the most beautiful melody of all.

‘It is amazing how a human being is able to adopt to the circumstances’, she thought and as she smiled to her own destiny, she habitually strolled down to the kitchen, put the kettle on and waited for the water to boil. Today, she seamed fully engaged with the noise and the bubles being made inside the kettle. She poured the steaming hot water over the tea leaves and covered the mug to allow some time for the tea to brew. Then she prepared two pieces of toast with peanut butter and jam and with loaded tray left the house to sit on the porch overlooking the back garden. It was at this time of the day when her little friend was performing the best pieces of music and for nothing in this world she liked to miss that magical performance.

Enchanted by it’s performance, she decided to stay surrounded by her own thoughts, playing with her own breath, breathing fresh energy in and letting go off any stale thoughts and emotions. With closed eyes, she continued exercising her sences, sensually feeling the sun rays warming up her skin, the breeze going through her hair, and the rich sound from the wind chimes somewhere in the distance. No other thoughts were occupying her attention rather than intense emotions still flowing from the past. She flicked her hair and opened her eyes as if to erase them all. She had desire to avoid any connection with her disturbing past, so she fully enagaged her taste buds with the freshly made peanut butter and jam sandwiches.

Suddenly, tears poured down her cheeks, a fur ball got stuck in her throat and the taste of her past stayed in her mouth. She remembered that this type of sandwiches were her husband’s favourites and how they were lovingly sharing them while camping up and down the country. She poured some milk in the mug and as the milk lighten up the colour of the liquid, her thoughts brighten up too. She let her tears dry out on her eyelashes and her cheeks, as she couldn’t care less to wipe them off. Instead, with a silver pin set with gems, put her hair up, and her pashmina scarf around her shoulders and went down the path to the garden shed. The wooden shed was tucked behind some mature bushes, underneath the old oak tree. Moments later, holding something in her hands, she continued down the path to the cliff, where the south wind was busy playing with the loose leaves, giving them one last breath of life, swirling them up in the air, creating small vortex of organic matter.

The sunset in the distance was indicating end of yet another beautiful autumn day. The copper colour prevailed over the horizon, giving mystical glow to the objects around.

– What is it about sunsets that makes me sad and happy in the same time? – Thought the woman while untangling the strings of the kite.

Without any hesitation she stood right on the edge of the cliff. Her long, heavy, flowery skirt covering her shoes was lightly dragging it’s weight on the ground, swiping leaves as she moved swiftly.

Her arms were lifted up in the air. Her hands were strongly and skilfully holding the strings to control the flight path of the kite. She was edging closer and closer until she was able to see the void, the thin line between the water and the rocks. The water was splashing against the rocks dispersing its droplets over them like a mist, methodically killing their thirst and curiosity. She looked down for a second, and saw her husband’s body lying over the rocks, his cheeks were still blushed, his lips stretched into a soft smile, his face radiating happiness and contentment. This is how she remembers him, and how he really was; full of life, optimistic, creative and loving person.

Every evening she was coming at this very spot to fly the kite in a memory of her husbands life. She knew that by adding motion, she will somehow make her husbands death more bearable. Weird circumstances on that tragic day contributed to her confusion and left her with questions that will never be answered.

She might have had intention to come every sunset to find new clues, any proof, or something, that might have happened many years ago, something that killed her husband’s passion for life. By flying the kite, she kept her husband alive. His passion never died, his soul remained present in that fine line between life and death. His heart was still attached to the kite and the kite itself was his own breath.

Some people, dear to us are no longer with us, they have departed this material world in search for the essence of more meaningful and fullfiling life. But the truth is they are still present and they still live through the hearts and souls of their loved ones.

Let’s remember the souls of the loved ones, who are responsible for our own existence, responsible for who we are today, our identity, our actions and our achievements. Let just take some time to remember them all, let us pray for their souls wherever they might be at this current moment. Let us express our sincere gratitude and let us send a message of love, reminding them of our promise to keep their candle burning as long as we are able to keep ours alive….M

Stripy Stunner

This morning, among my other letters in the post, I have received a report from WWF. This is the first update of 2012 about my adopted tigress Kamrita. She is a Bengal tiger and lives in Chitwan National Park in Nepal. The Chitwan National Park apparently covers an area of around 932sq km. Being responsible for this vast area is really a challenge to rangers, who have a lot of ground to cover. Also, they are faced with the biggest challenge ever, to stay vigilant against the ever present threat of poaching.

In this issue of my tigers report, there are beautiful photos posted of Kamrita and her 3 years old daughter called Ranu. These pictures were taken by new camera traps carefully positioned across the park. Thankfully to such an equipment I am now able to see these gorgeous looking animals in their natural habitat, living and breeding freely.

However, each and every tiger is rising to the challenge each and every day. It stands little chance against poachers intent on killing it for money.

An excerpt from WWF report says:

“we’ve been stepping up our efforts to tackle illegal wildlife trade, and you are playing a vital role in fighting it too. Because as well as helping to give tigers a more hopeful future your adoption also supports our wider work to challenge this huge global problem. We couldn’t do it without you.”

Furthermore, they are sending their sincere gratitude that after 109 months, I am still supporting my adopted stripy stunner and her siblings. This in fact is a gift that I am most grateful about.

My dream will become reality if one day I’ll be able to visit the Chitwan National Park and join the team of rangers with hope to see my stripy stunner live…M

Milky Way, All the Way

They say, Milky Way is the Galaxy, which houses our planet Earth. It is a glowing band, white like milk, home to 200-400 billion stars.

Well, like the macro Galaxy, my Milky Way contains 200-400 billion droplets of milk, each and every one responsible for growth. Each droplet means life, survival and existence.

These days I feel, it will be easier for me to take you around the Galaxy and back, to show you how beautiful journey that can be, then to explain how demanding breast feeding can be. Particularly that it can happen day and night, anything from few minutes to few hours. And yet, nobody told me how exhausting and equally how boring process this can be. Whenever I start thinking this way, the following happens:

– “All you career oriented girls, please always remember, it helps bonding with your child”. I can hear Coral’s voice, my midwife, in my head. “Our women”, referring to Caribbean women, “do this so naturally. Can do it anywhere, even on a crowded bus”…oops…

Fine, fine, l decided to compete with every Caribbean mum, and show them how important that is to us, European mums, but avoiding crowded buses if possible… So, I took the plunge, took the bull by it’s horns, as they say, and dived deep into this milky flow state of affairs.

So, now I am questioning, do these Carribean women have tougher ‘mammas’? To me It seams like they might be having a leathery ones. Or maybe their babies have lighter suckle. Whichever way, my reality seem to be grim and mostly unpleasant. So, I felt like a solution was required and like any other modern European mum, went to seek help from www and forums to find some sort of aid to help me compete without giving up. Sure enough, when you are looking for something, you will most definitely find it…Soon after…Eureka…A pure revelation… A solution comes my way. God bless the ‘mammas’ shields…

After few weeks, I was so happilly feeding away, until I went to see Coral once again. After my introduction about my new way of feeding, she did not say much but her face was worth a thousand words. So, in true Carribean spirit I left my shields in my bag temporarely and gave my son a real pleasure.

You may judge me and you may have your own opinion, but trust me I tried and did my best. Realised that administering is not that important after all. Keeping my milky flow running and its nutrients is of a greater importance then giving up and letting Caribbean mammas win over Europeans…M

Planet M

Thinking whether to tell you the truth or something beautiful, I decided to stick to the truth all the way. I hope that it will make you proud and honoured and fill you with joy and smiles…

My recent life changing event, left me with two hearts, one small and blissfully unaware of the reality and other one confused and shocked. As time goes by it was inevitable to learn that everything happens for a reason and this is the reason that makes me stronger, makes me a better person in some way or another. Little time was required to recover, away from any obstacles, negativities and ugly forces. Little time was required to rewrite my goals, my objectives and my dreams. Although, my words are my reality, my dreams are keeping me alive!

And as it is in life, at time least expected, we come accross people who bring a smile on our face. People who do inspire and keep us moving. People who can enter our dreams and generously share their aspirations, love and kindness. Many of these people we meet will become friends for life, and will form part of our character. And yes you are right, I don’t even know you, I haven’t even met you, neither seen you, and yet I’ve felt tremendous kindness and positivity radiating from your end.

So, by coincidence or simple synchronicity (who knows), I named my baby boy Marko. My little warrior was very eager to arrive earlier, to meet me, to show me his gratitude and true value in life. He came out very quickly, causing as little pain as possible, and as little damage as possible…

And trully, he gets all my affection, he is my little precious soul, my dragon, my little tigarce and my creator. I wish I could share my joy and be part of a family but my reality is very much a lonely journey, designed for endless strive to achieve and be entirely responsible for another being.

Truthfully, don’t even know if I ever be able to meet you, neither that these words will be read by you and yet I felt obliged to write them down.

Anyhow, maybe nothing is clear for the future, but the fact that I’ve equipped myself for the worst that life can throw at me, gives me great strength and confidence to walk forward. And as promised…There is no option of giving up at any point in my life.

With great hope for love and light on this journey,


Live boldly, follow your dreams, take risks, look after your friends and smile when the mountain is steepest…Bear Grylls


Time is slowly bringing my precious day closer. Each morning I wake up questioning are you going to meet me today? Will today be that special day? Will today reveal the moment when we see each other and exchange a smile?
Day goes by and no sign of you…Anticipation is growing, adrenalin is moving with urgent haste and patience thinning slowly.

I don’t want to wait, confused of how you will feel, imagining what you will look like. Will your eyes be smoky green, your hair wavy or maybe you will have dimples on your cheeks…It is just a torture thinking about it. But how could I not think about you when I can feel every move you make, every kick, every hiccup you have, we share the air we breathe and nutrients we eat. We share the same thoughts and energies and we live in the same vibrational world.

You are the world that my mind is spinning around…My little precious one…M

Dragon’s breath

What is it that creates doubt in my mind that people who I thought are caring, dear and loving, now project different messages around them? Suddenly, their thoughts are becoming sharp and hurting and their words are bringing pain and sorrow. Is it me, have I changed? Maybe now I can see the truth being spoken through different language. Has something happened to me that has increased my intuition and instinct to protect my being and my loved one? Am I becoming paranoid that they grow intention to hurt me, to feed from my source until the last drop of it is left inside me. How long will they be feeding of me? Will this action be endless and painful?

What’s more fascinating is the fact that these people, called vulchers like the scavenging birds, can only see my first layer of my being; my physical body, called Annamaya kosha. This layer is made of matter, created by the type of foods I eat. It manifests my physical appearance, colour of my cheeks, the length of my smile and any tiny wrinkles present on my face. This layer creates a veil over other layers underneath and gives illusion of who I really am. Underneath, there are four other layers much more subtle and very specific to each individual; energy layer, called prannamaya kosha, which represents subtle movement and expansion of the being. It can stretch far more then the physical body and it can be seen in different colours glowing around the body. Next, the mind, or mental layer, which is depicted by the formation of our thoughts, emotions and influence of senses. Next below is the layer of the ego, vigyanamaya, and last, most internal is the layer of bliss, anandamaya kosha. These vulchers of people do not have a capacity to experience and feel the vibration of these internal koshas. Simply because their mind is wired up to get connected to what their eyes can see. Unfortunately they are never able to develop that internal sensor for discovering the beauty of other beings.

What other people can’t see also is underneath my 5 layers, sleeps one beautiful Dragon. This Dragon is so soft and cuddly and he occupies the most pure form of life. It is part of me that I love the most. With each breath he nourishes my trueself, creating peace and contentment. It can become bigger with every gratitude I give and every kind word I receive. It is my source of creativity and inspiration, intuition and love. Although, he can be asleep for decades his powers are occurring each and every day. Totally harmless he rests coiled up comfortably inside my being, fed by the Shiva-Shakti love-energies and always prepared to be awaken when needed. In fact, he knows when is the right time to wake up. He can sense my energy levels and the health of my heart and he acts accordingly. Each time I require more energy he sends some through my nadis, activating the energy centres, directing the flow to that place, where it is needed the most. If a place is broken will be repaired and healed in no time, and if hurt, it will be nurtured and nourished until it becomes reinvigorated. The cycle of creation and distraction is supported by his unconditional love, that radiates from his being.

However, when harmful ‘guests’ are detected and negative trail of thoughts or energies are sensed, in order to protect, my Dragon turns his breath into an ocean of fire, burning everything and anything on the way. He can be very rude and ruthless, powerful and deeply uncomfortable. His energies can create heat, which can cause tremendous damage and emotional scars to those who managed to provoke him.

Once these powerful energies have been evoked, he coils back inside, resting peacefully and connecting back to the source. And I? I become a different person altogether. The Dragon has changed my thoughts, my perception and communication with others. I start to exist at a level of higher energy, reaching to a higher vibration, followed by emotions more complex then ever before…M