Broken Pieces

When I was a little girl, every last month of the year, I was thought to sit quietly in my room and write a list of what I like to be given as a gift, that will make me a better person in the year ahead. It could have taken me days to do my list, as everything written was supposed to justify my parents spenditure. If I haven’t have made a good case for some gifts, they would have fallen off the list immediately.

For most of the gifts I needed to fight my case in order to get them. Although, some gifts I have received on an emotional basis, I have been given some simply because they were practical. However, the fact of the matter is that I was getting away with most of my wishes; winter holidays, youth camps, swimming lessons, driving lessons, cookery, pottery and massage courses, toys and later on, electronic gadgets and computers.

So, after leaving my parents home, things have changed. Rather then thinking and buying gifts that will improve my skills and talents, it was the case of buying gifts that will impress others, will surprise them and make others happy. So, what happened to the little girl inside me? Did she forget who she really is? Doesn’t she have any more wishes just for her? Has she lost the will to achieve, to progress and develop further?

Another end of the year is approaching. I am sitting quietly in my house, listening to the silence around me. Although holding a pen my thoughts are dwelling in the past, listing through the catalogue of disastrous events that have happened this year. And what should I say? Shall I be glad that this year is tailing off, leaving behind broken pieces that can never be reconstructed or should I say I am glad that the new year is approaching?

What was so mystical about 2011 that every event turned out wrongly? And all the events around me were worst then ever before. What sort of energy field we were living in?

Let’s just tap inside and try to awaken the little girl inside me. She was much more fun to be with, free spirit and maker of her own destiny. Let me see if she likes to come out and face the reality as it is, at this stage in my life. Let me see what she will say how I have progressed and where I have ended up. Will she be proud, will she be crying and be sad, or will she be happy to take charge all over again? Who knows…

Future is not ours to see, que sera, sera….M

Desert Wind

Desert Wind

“Gratitiude can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. It makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Unknown

After a period of denial and negativity, just when I thought that all my cards have crumbled under the forces of life, considering everything what I have done and created so far has become worthless, and when darkness surrounds my heart, four souls are being brought to me to lighten up my life.

It comes time when we have to face the truth that some actions are meant to be avoided simply because of health reasons. I have come to realise that I simply have to step back and let others take over. Let others put the show in light, and let them create the show without me.

But how to let my mind accept all these, when all my life I have been capable of thinking and acting, completing most of the achievements all on my own.

This said, I found myself astonished to discover that it had been so easy to accept an offer, it just took some good words to be spoken and a bit of persuading from a very dear friends of mine, which were enough to give in.

Brushes, rollers, paint buckets, old newspapers, willing hearts and skillful hands were needed to cover my past, with yet another fresh coat of paint. And another one after and a third one to finish. My stubborn past finally gave in, cracking its solidity and slowly softening its claws under the silky, smooth strokes of the soft brissles of the brushes and the continuous roll of the rollers, to eventually let the future take over. The yellowishy old walls were painted over with lighter, more vibrant, full of life and space, ‘Desert Wind’ colour. So that finnally the remains from my past were painted over and left behind to be consciously forgotten forever.

With thoughts of brightness, positivity and freedom I allowed myself to fly out, at least for a moment to experience breath of fresh air, freeing my soul of any threads from the past. While my angels were fighting with the winds from my past, I was left alone, in most peaceful and creative spirit to make warm, delicious dinner for all of us to share and enjoy.

On this journey of self-discovery it was innevitable to learn that it is impportant to let people be there for you. People who simply like to share their free time with attribution of responsibility to bring beauty to my life. People who dare to help and people who dare to share their love. I have been blessed with eternal light. Having four souls brightening my life, who have shared their loughs, jokes, sweat and hope and whose selfless service created something magical, something wonderful for my two hearts. Friends who can see the real values in life.

Forever most grateful….M

‘Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart’….Unknown

Divine Flow

A beautiful autumn day. Few weeks after my birthday, and surprisingly October is still showing its smiles. Still generous with its sunshine and warmth, brings enjoyment to spend time outdoors, admiring nature’s stunning display of colours.

‘I will go for yet another endless walk in the forest’, I thought. I dressed up lightly, put my walking boots on and head to the woods with great motivation to explore and share this wonderful time with nature.

Yes, nature and me, ever lasting friendship of two energies interweaven in two different shapes occupying the planet. I walked with great eager to rich the heart of the forest, being aware of no one around me. I somehow wanted to isolate myself from the external noise, from all these people, dogs and horses, which were painting the picture of today. I was not interested in any voices, no sounds were appealing, instead I got fully engaged with my movement, mindfully stepping forward, crashing the leaves underneath my steps. Although, my mind was focusing on the sound underneath my boots, my heart got fed through my eyes. My eyes were looking around and up, absorbing colours, forms and shades. I was firmly walking on earth, but I felt my heart growing happier, feeding with nectar from the air, lifting my soul high up in the skies, giving me ability to liberate from my physical body in order to experience lightness and spaciousness.

With this feeling of lightness and space, I walked across the meadow, greeted by the birds and their enchanting melodies. The ground turned into a soft mattress made of straw, flexibly accepting the weight of my feet and bouncing itself off without hesitation, leaving the ground intact. I looked behind me, and there was no evidence of my presence here, a thought passes through my head. There was no proof that I have walked miles to reach this open space surrounded by trees. I looked around and the view without people, dogs, cyclists, runners, cars, felt so comforting, so peaceful. I felt like I belong here, in this moment in time.

A question appeared from nowhere, asking where I am heading to? And another one followed. What’s my goal today? I shook my head as if to erase these questions. There is no map that I would like to follow today, there is no intention to do anything. Nothing is all I need today. I do not have a compass, gps, neither a mobile phone. I do not posses any strings of attachment to this planet. I am alone, pure, full of energy and peace. I am just a cosmic soul trapped in this physical body…. My endless wonders in the woods are my own time to get lost, to forget my reality and to recharge my solar plexus to feed all my nadis with divine flow. My mind becomes so insignificant here, and my ego is purely lost among these vast spaces.

I came to my favourite place. A young oak tree surrounded by bushes and few other trees dotted around. I hugged my favourite tree. My hands met at the other side of its trunk! It is energising to hug a tree, even to know that it can’t hug you back. But deep inside I know that it can sence my presense, can feel my love radiating from my heart. It can sence my need of comfort, protection and peace. This tree stays still like it does for hundreds of years. It’s roots firmly grounded in the earth, stretching its branches high above reaching towards the skies, enjoys the best of both worlds. I put my ear closer, gently touching its bark as if to hear its life energy flowing through its veins. I looked up and his almost bare branches started swaying from side to side. I recognised the decade old smile, I squeezed his trunk strongly in admiration and acceptance of this smile.

Each time when I am faced with challenges I go back to my special friend, who is bound to be growing at one place only. Who sits and waits patiently for change to arrive, more prepared then ever before to accept it and utterly enjoy it. Each spring it greets the arrival of the new buds. He nurtures them with earthly juices, lovingly protecting them until they develop into leaves. Then he sits back and enjoys their performance, their summers spectacular dance. He looks at his shadow casted on the ground underneath, proud of his appearance and confident of his existence. Then he observes their change of colours, so that eventually he can release one by one to slowly gravitate towards the ground. Eventually, each one of those leaves, become an integral part of the earth, feeding back its nutrients to nourish and support yet another precious new life. And the cycle of creation and destruction goes on and on, year after year.

Tears were drawn to my eyes. Sad thought overwhelmed my being. While its leaves will appear next spring, more beautiful then ever before, my youth will never come back, it can never be re-lived. With each new experience we grow stronger, and indeed we grow older. Each spring we face new challenges, more complex then ever before. Our bodies go through changes, constantly evolving, we grow spiritually, mindfully stepping forward, becoming wiser and stronger.

We meet people, we share similar aspirations, we share time together, we fall in love and eventually we get hurt. We learn from this painful experience, we step back until we recover and when we feel ready we reach out and we find someone or something as another source of inspiration, and the cycle goes on and on, year after year. All this has been made possible because we are humans, we have emotions and would love to share our time on Earth with someone special….with endless curiousity of what life will bring to us next….M